Tartin Mop: Climate Emergency

You will be aware that our denomination takes seriously the climate emergency. Our planet is about to be destroyed because of all the carbon we keep releasing into the atmosphere! (I actually wondered if God was a bit daft for designing the world this way, till I rememebered it was all caused by a huge, random explosion). We can only guess at how many years we have left before all die. Our denomination has therefore appointed a Climate Emergency Champion (me) and I shall drive up and down the country (sometimes I will fly to save valuable time) to instruct churches on how to release less carbon. Ichabod Chapel must therefore lead by example, for other churches and chapels will look to us for guidance. In this regard, we can hold our heads up high. But first, the science.

In one day, the average person breathes out around 500 litres of the greenhouse gas CO2 – which is around a kilogram in mass. The world’s population is currently around 7 billion, so humanity is breathing out around 2500 million tonnes of carbon each year, which is around 7 per cent of the annual CO2 tonnage emitted by the burning of fossil fuels.

150 years ago, when Ichabod Chapel was built, 300 people attended it. In the 1920s, when Rev F.D. Culvert-Pipe became the minister, our first ‘modernist’, the annual attendance fell to just over 120. In 1964, when our minister Dr C.D.F. Drain (he bravely preached that young people can have sex outside of marriage if they want to) led the church, we were down to 70. In 1973, when Rev Peter F. Boor was our pastor (the one who said the resurrection was "the most beautiful myth in the world"), the congregation fell to 40. By 2000, we were down to 19, and when I started my ministry, there were 15 of us. Four years later, and we are down to average congregations of 6. Isn’t this amazing? Since the 1920s, Ichabod Chapel has been responding to the Climate Emergency by reducing the amount of breath (and therefore CO2) being released in our services and meetings. If my projections and calculations are correct, by the year 2025, there will be no one here at all, and that will mean that zero breaths are being emitted on our premises. Roll on 2025! Net Zero! Ichabod Chapel is playing its part to save the world!

Yours Wokely,

Rev Dr Ms Alana Denmars (she/hers),

Ichabod Chapel, Tartin Mop