Tartin Mop: Pet Service

Submitted by Alan Marsden on Mon, 16/01/2023 - 00:00

Dear Friends,

You will be aware of our worryingly low attendances here at Ichabod Chapel. Sometimes only seven people turn up, and on bad days, it is down to two. So I have been thinking of ways of bringing people in and have decided that we are going to have a regular pet service. This means you can bring your dogs, cats, budgies and goldfish to chapel on the first Sunday in February. As well as bringing in some extra people who might be curious to see the novelty of a dog sitting in a church (who would believe it?!) my plan is to invite all pets into church membership. Of course I shall ask them if they wish to opt-out of joining the church by barking/meowing/tweeting at a given opportunity; their silence during that three-second period will be deemed to be assent. So if I bring my two cats, Torville and Dean, Mabel brings Sukie the spaniel, Brenda brings Geoffrey the African Grey, and Arthur his gerbil, we will double our church membership in one fell swoop!

Of course, some traditionalists may object or feel it is a mere gimmick. I would point out that this really is nothing new; wolves, jackals and serpents have been running our denomination for years.

Yours Wokely,

Rev Dr Ms Alana Denmars (she/hers), Ichabod Chapel, Tartin Mop